happy birthday to my abuser

TRIGGER WARNING – ABUSE


Happy birthday, love.
I hope you’re well.

Wait,
no,
I hope you rot.

Your 17th birthday was
the first time you really hurt me,
the first time I had to hide a black eye
and chipped tooth.
Do you remember why?
I do.
I bought you shoes in teal instead of blue.

Your 18th birthday was
A-level results day.
I found out I was going
to my first choice university!
…you did not.
You blamed it on me,
for distracting you but
at least we were going to the same university now,
because my first choice
was your back up.

(me and my therapist have since decided
you failed the exams on purpose
so I couldn’t get away from you)

Your 19th birthday,
I was in London
trying desperately to forget you,
seeing as you said we were done
a few weeks prior
at our best friend’s funeral.
Turns out you didn’t mean it,
and you made me pay for
“cheating”.

Your 20th birthday
I travelled down from Newcastle to see you,
but my train was late
so you raped me in the back of the car
in the station car park
because I kept you waiting
and in that moment
I envied the person
who had jumped on the tracks
and got hit by a train
and delayed the rail system.

Your 21st birthday
and I had escaped you
and I spent the day
locked in my room crying
because I was so scared
you would still find me.

You’re 23 today.
No one likes you when you’re 23.

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