making my own luck

I joke a lot about being bad luck,
about being cursed,
but truth be told
I call these unfortunate events
upon myself
through my own stupidity.
I promised a friend
that I would stop self-harming,
and until now
I thought that was a rare promise
that I had managed to keep.
But self-harming doesn’t necessarily mean
the physical act of taking knife to skin;
it is endangering myself
for no good reason
other than to be a nuisance.
Every time I push myself outside what
my doctor has allowed me to do,
every time I let myself get dehydrated,
every time I beat myself up
with horrible words,
every time I push away people
who just want to help
I am breaking that promise.
I know I need to start taking my health
a little more seriously
so I’m adding this
to the promise I made.

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