“I don’t know how you can expect
anyone else to love you
when you so clearly hate yourself.”

I am stuck in bed,
in pain beyond description
with Netflix as my one source of distraction
when this line hits me
alongside the realisation.
I want to be loved
because I believe it would make me
feel better
but at the same time,
I don’t feel like I deserve love
so gravitate to those who hurt me –
accidentally and intentionally,
because that is the love
that I know how to process.