watch your words

My boss pulled me to one side
to talk about some things
she had overheard.
She wanted me to know that
she was there if I needed to talk
about anything;
work or otherwise.
She tells me that
I need to be careful
who I say things in front of
because she’s concerned
I might upset people
and she doesn’t want me to get in trouble.
I try and bite my tongue
but every morning when my colleagues ask
“how are you today, Less?”
my mouth fills with acid
and I want to claw my throat out
because I don’t know how to answer
while staying in my authority
to not tell anyone what’s going on.

d-1

Like a child on Christmas eve,
tonight I cannot sit still,
It is not through excitement
of Santa visiting with presents
but through fear of what is to come.

This day has been two and a half months in the making,
and yet it feels like a lifetime
of panic and anxiety and not knowing.
It is chemo eve,
tomorrow I open the gift
of poison fed directly into my system
that will save my life.

At least my insides will match my attitude.