day 100

One hundred days since I started writing.
How much has changed in one hundred days?

One hundred days ago,
I was working in a job that made me miserable,
I was in a relationship that wasn’t making me happy and I didn’t know what to do about it,
I was relatively healthy –
or at least I didn’t know how sick I was.

Now I am in a new job,
and I am struggling but I leave each day happy.
I left that relationship and discovered my propensity for cruelty
and my complete lack of empathy.
I started chemotherapy and had an ovary removed
and I have come to terms with the fact
that nothing will go back to how it was
and that’s okay.

One hundred days ago,
I decided to stop screaming into the void
and start whispering into a crowded room.

I learned to be my own summer.

lola

I have a tendency
to change my name
as it suits me.
The moment one part
of my life ends,
I drop the name
and become someone new.
I choose a name
like a pair of shoes –
I will wear it until
it wears out
and then I will find
a replacement.

tick tock tick tock

Within the blink of an eye,
the flutter of a baby bird’s wings,
everything has changed.

No,
it was not that quick.
It was the small flap of feathers
many moons ago
that set everything into motion.

I am leaving everything behind at once –
so much comfort and familiarity
and everything I have known
and loved
for the last two years
is now in the past.

I know I need to
change my environment
so I can grow and flourish
and learn and thrive.
The future is not scary,
it is just different
and if we never experienced anything new
then what would be the point in living?

It is time for me to take this leap of faith,
spread my tentative wings
and fly.

– for those who have stuck with me