“Congratulations!
You got 100% – again!
Have you considered taking
the early entry exam for the diploma?”

I sink deep into my chair and
I beg the floor to swallow me whole.
The hairs on the back of my neck
stand to attention
as I feel the curious gazes land on me.
Why did my results have to be read out
in front of my new colleagues?
The group believed me to be not very smart
and that suited me just fine as
that is the image I have spent years cultivating,
because it’s difficult to disappoint
when no one has any expectations of you.

It is also difficult to impress
when no one is holding you accountable
for the work that you do.
Now I have no shadows looming over my achievements,
no big brother in the years above me
acting as a constant point of comparison,
it is time to lay my embarrassment to rest,
it is time to stop playing the part I assigned to myself.