When I look in the mirror,
I see a girl who is small and weak.
She is scared and a bit of a coward.
She struggles to talk about her feelings
or anything serious
and every day she thinks that
she does not want to be alive anymore.
She is pathetic and I hate her.
There are so many people
that have hurt her
that I should hate but
there is no one I hate more than her.
I want her to become the person you see.
You think she is smart and funny
and kind and strong and brave
and everything I know she is not.
One day,
she might grow into that person,
but I wouldn’t count on it.
Not while I keep holding her back.