For the longest time,
I was incapable of anger.
I would rather be sad
because sadness was comfortable,
sadness could be controlled,
sadness did not hurt anyone else.

Having said that,
after I was diagnosed
I let the anger embrace me,
scorching limbs
taking hold of my heart
and tendrils seeping into my veins.

I decided to hate the world
for hurting me
over and over.
I was at war
with things I couldn’t control
and those I once cared about became collateral damage.

I was oblivious to what I was doing,
my red-tinted glasses
focused solely on
my own selfish intentions.

There was a countdown
ticking away,
a fuse
slowly burning
but now I am too tired
to explode.

– an apology for those I hurt